Written by: The Onion
Workout programs such as CrossFit and Tabata have surged in popularity in recent years as Americans look for new and engaging ways to lose weight, get in shape, and build muscle. Here are this year’s most popular fitness trends:
Extended Rest Interval Training: Adapted from popular High Intensity Interval Training regimens, Extended Rest Interval Training (ERIT) requires the body to stay alert for up to 18 hours a day and then take 6 to 8 hours of rest, repeated every day of the week
ClapActive: A fitness craze that has already taken millions by storm, ClapActive’s high-intensity clapping program—practiced in more than 9,000 ClapActive gyms worldwide—is said to be a remarkably effective way to improve both your clapping power and clapping endurance, with countless celebrities swearing by the program’s 12 tenets for successful clapping
BragFit: A strict daily regimen in which individuals perform 10 intensive 15-minute reps of talking about their workout routine interspersed with very brief cool down periods
Competitively Trying To Run Faster Than The Asshole Next To You On The Treadmills: This program encourages each individual to increase the running speed on his or her treadmill by working up a grudge against the entirely imaginary jerk he or she has projected onto the guy next to him or her
Zambia: Many people are seeing weight loss results after just several weeks on this new fitness regimen of traveling to rural Zambia and attempting to survive
The Mongo Method: A demanding training program that combines the gracefulness of ballet, the raw physicality of Pilates, and the high-intensity cardio that comes with being chased around a gym by a belligerent 900-pound silverback gorilla
One Weird Trick That Really Works: By utilizing a single trick that might sound strange but actually works wonders, many have lost hundreds of pounds in a matter of weeks
8-Minute Neck: According to this program’s advocates, in as little as eight minutes a day, you can get the chiseled, washboard neck you’ve always wanted simply by completing the fun 8-Minute Neck video workouts from the comfort of your own living room
This Great Spinning Class That Susan Got Me Into: I didn’t think I’d like it, but Susan got me to go with her one time, and you know what, I’m hooked! It’s only a half hour and it’s actually kind of fun. It’s every Tuesday and Thursday at 6 at Curves if you’re interested. Come on, wouldn’t that be a hoot if we all did it together?
The Octavion Method: Techniques discovered by Project 73 and its Icarus Protocol have allowed many to become stronger than they ever imagined…but at what cost?
- Falling Out Of A Train Caboose, Then Wildly Flailing In Search Of Something To Grab Hold Of While Tumbling Down A Long Rocky Canyon Into A Ravine: As quick and simple as it sounds
source: The Onion
These guys would SO set up a squat rack on the second floor of their house! Imagine the damage!